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PostNapisane: 2010-02-28, 20:57 
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Dołączył(a): 2008-10-12, 14:35
Posty: 3
I know my work doesn't make much sense, but please correct it.

What causes young people to commit crimes?

These days we can see a lot of young people commiting crimes. Many people wonder why younger and younger people break law. I'd like to consider some points of them.

First of all we can notice that young outlaws often come from families in which violence and alcohol are usual. These people don't have much money and sometimes children are forced to steal food. Rarely, they don't even have a home.

Secondly, their notes at school are usually low. Honestly said, their intelligence is not very high and maybe that's why they don't really feel the difference between being good and bad. Lack of education is very vital for preventing vandalism.

I guess that the most essential point are their friends. These people often gather in a group (commonly called gang ), which makes them commit crimes easilier. Sometimes when people see them breaking law they are too afraid to say it out loud. Position in a gang is also important. The worse you are, the better. You earn more respect for doing bad things.

In my humble opinion media have very big influence on these people. There's a lot hip-hop singers, who outloudly exhort to e.g. hate the police. Lately a 17-year old along with his friend killed a policeman in Warsaw using a knife.


Góra
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PostNapisane: 2010-03-01, 15:05 
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Dołączył(a): 2009-05-25, 13:49
Posty: 42
Hallo! :)
So, that's my version of your essay, I hope it will be without any mistakes: :D

Cytuj:
What causes young people to commit crimes?

These days we can see a lot of young people commiting crimes. Many people wonder why younger and younger people break law. I would like * to consider some points of them. * (Full form is more formal.)

First of all, we can notice that young outlaws often come from families in which violence and alcohol are common * . These people don't have much money and sometimes children are forced to steal food. Usually they don't even have a home. * (To avoid repeating "usual".)

Secondly, their marks at school are usually low. To be honest, their intelligence is not very high and maybe that's why they don't really feel the difference between being good and bad. Lack of education is very vital for preventing vandalism.

I think * that the most essential point are their friends. These people often gather in a group (commonly called gang ), which makes them commit crimes easier. Sometimes when people see them breaking law they are too afraid to say it out loud. Position in a gang is also important. The worse you are, the better. You earn more respect for doing bad things. * ("I think" is stronger and more formal.)

In my humble opinion media have very big influence on these people. There's a lot hip-hop singers, who outloudly exhort to e.g. hate the police. Lately, a 17-year-old along with his friend killed a policeman in Warsaw using a knife.

And in my humble opinion some good conlusion is missing in your work. Some, you know, "To sum up,..." or "In conclusion,..." But it's only my humble opinion... :mrgreen:


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