... perfect for putting into a signature
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
The Force is like Duct Tape - it has a dark side, it has a light side, and it binds the universe together!
And my personal favourite
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."